i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
