Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
