My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
