I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
