I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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