I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
