How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
