I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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