Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
