I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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