so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
