Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
