i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
