its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
