am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
