Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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