The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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