Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
