I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
