I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
