I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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