There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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