I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
