girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
