you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
