He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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