Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
