Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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