Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
