I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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