Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
