Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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