i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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