I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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