i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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