someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
