I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
