Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
