You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
