this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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