i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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