I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
