Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
