He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it glows. i had to have it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
