you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
