It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
