Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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