Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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