hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
