I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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