i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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