After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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