Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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