Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
